[freeing up aim space.]

the free hugs campaign.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

it's just a nice change. it might even make you smile.

it makes me want a hug. a running, jumping on me, two armed hug. =)

debb: *Running, jump two-handed hug*
darline: next time i see you i'm gonna give you a great big hug
clare: if it doesn't knock you over, next time i'll give you a running start, jumping up, 2 handed BEAR hug :D

i remembered this quote.
it just fits for the time being.

"Don't make someone a PRIORITY
who only makes you an OPTION."

started yesterday! haha.. well, my 4 week one. ugh. seems really time consuming at first, but it's not *that* bad, i suppose! i'm trying to figure out how to keep up w/ all this reading & whatnot next week when i'm in vegas. ahhh! yea. .. but i feel accomplished! =) read 2 chapters (total of 69 pages); did the quizzes (100 points each!).. and yea. it feels kind of repetitive, but there are lots of pictures that take up space! haha..

dang. the 21st of june onward will be CRAZY! 3 classes at once. mm.. lovely!

ugh. hunger. still craving that california burrito. =(

i just want to go home. =(

now where are my ruby red slippers? heh.

gah. i hate these feelings.
at times, i'm at, what i think is a great high, but then the next, at the lowest low. stupid emotions.

however, these things, i know for a fact:
- i'm EXCITED to go back to las vegas for a good 6 days.
- i'm really SAD that my sister, isbee & patrick are moving.
- also SAD that i dont talk to/hang out w/ certain people anymore.
- i'm becoming INDIFFERENT towards school. a B's "good enough."
(but deep inside, i still WANT to be the best. i dont have enough motivation nowadays.)
- also INDIFFERENT about work. 5-9 hours a week? WHACK!

that's just skimming the surface of my true feelings. like debb's been saying, it's like an onion. there are many layers. dig deeper. get to know.. ME.

there are so many different things expected of me at different intervals of my life in the past few weeks or things that have been thrown my way. i need to do something for MYSELF.

i dont know what to update on.

- spring semester has started. 5 classes. not TOO bad. however, i do not like my night class. i guess it's because i'm a morning person. bleeeh. other than that - not too shabby! first tests are coming up this week! but yeaa.. still aiming for graduation spring 2007!

- family.. hmm.. everyone's good. my niece has her first tooth! it's cute! it's on the bottom & in the middle. haha..

- friends. not enough time to hang out. but ehh.. it's life! i'm TRYING to make friends w/ people in my classes, but that's the extent of most of those "friendships".. where youre just friends in the class & not outside of it. *shrug!*

- i'm going back to vegas for spring break! but it's lame because everyone's spring break is before mine. i think unlv's is 2 weeks before, then unr's & then mine. SUCKS! so i'll be there march 23rd-29th. it's strange, but i've missed vegas. i've decided i wouldnt really care if i had to go back after graduation. where ever this all takes me! i'm good.

- wooooork! haha.. crazy! the craziest thing ever was waking up at 5am to get to work by 6am to dip strawberries for 3 hours! @.@ yea, that was valentines day. haha.. but yea. it's still a chill job. but that's it. i would like one that pays more. OR the ultimate would be to get a paid internship somewhere! ahhh..

umm.. dont know what else to write! life is filled w/ school & work and not enough of my family & friends! so yea. hopefully that changes.

so many random thoughts on life.

my brother turned 18 yesterday. .. what the hell?? where did the time go?! i feel bad.. like i'm missing out on his life & him growing up. even though he IS a big boy.. i guess it's the older sisterness in me kicking in. it's nice going back & seeing that he has his own life going on. like his friends & school & whatnot. dang. he goes out more than i do! haha.. it's nice to see that. but it sucks when.. we dont really hang out together because he's hanging with his friends & me with mine. blah. yea.

it's bad. i feel like i'm doing NOTHING with my life. the big thing running repeatedly in my mind.. is balancing everything. GRR! family/school/work/friends - it's all supposed to be balanced! & it's all practice for later on in life. but geeez! i feel the burden. i cant do it. i have my moments where i THINK i can. but then.. one or two aspects always overshadow the other & cause pandemonium. i feel like a bum just focusing on school. in class the other day, someone asked the teacher "would you hire someone even if it took them 8 years to graduate?" & he said he'd pick that person over the person who just focuses on school. because it teaches them self discipline & whatnot. blah. i dont know.

finals on monday, wednesday & friday. i cant wait for break!

i got to close at work today. which means! i got to take home the leftover fruit we dipped! i got to take/eat a yummy $4 chocolate covered strawberry & a $7.50 strawberry banana stick! yumm! i dont understand why people would actually pay that much for something though.

but.. who am i to talk! i just paid $200 for a celine dion ticket. but whatever! i think it's actually a good deal. it was $159 w/ tax for realllly good seats. (that are usually like $195 so yea.)

damn. but still. -.-

and here i am.. trying to figure out what to get people for christmas. EVERY year.. i have the hardest time buying presents for FAMILY members! why is it so hard! =/

ok. whatever. maybe i should sleep! i get yummy caramel apple cider tomorrow in class! my teacher's going to buy us all drinks! =D

so.. school is dwindling down. i have 7 more school days (finals included) after today. yay! maaaan. i have been missing in action for the past week or so though. i havent really talked to anyone. this last week was all about group projects/presentations. -.- suuuuucks!

i still have a 7 page research paper to start. (due next week. i rock./suck./whatever.)

i still have to either donate food or toys to get my volunteer hours for SIE.

i still have to do my christmas shopping. but that's not relevant to school.

mmm. yea. i feel bad for not talking to anyone. this previous week. but i guess.. you gotta do what you gotta do. break is coming up. we can all catch up then!

.. now i have to practice my part of the presentation. i suck at public speaking!

when do people deserve second chances?
or when should they be allowed to have a second chance?

yea. i know it's kind of the same question, but yea.

i wonder who knows about my livejournal. or read it without me knowing.
it's okay. i've been putting posts viewable to friends or my eyes only. i heart that feature. =)

so like, i've decided.. i make really bad decisions sometimes. -.- i used a tank & 2/3 of another this whole damn weekend! my friend was like "what the hell? youre driving a LOT! & prices are CRAZY!" rawr. i have no reason why. i just.. did it. when i knew i shouldnt have. =/ man. bad decisions.

i've decided i dont like annoying/stupid drunk people. =)

oH! & earlier on monday, labor day, around 1, there was a brush fire that started behind the high school i went to here (mchs) & yea. man! everyone was freaking me out by telling me to get things ready in case we had to leave & i dont know. maybe i dont deal very well w/ that kind of thing because i was hella panicking! =/ so it got to the point where it was a little over a mile away from my house (5 hours after it started) & i was just like.. ehh.. whatever. haha.. because the skies were clearing up (it was an ugly orange/brown because of the smoke). but yes. too close for comfort! it says they're expecting to fully put it out by 2am tuesday morning. crazzzzzy.

i like how i told my mom about it & she was just like, "i'll talk to you later, i'm shopping!" haha.. wth.

rawr. no school for me today! yayy! haha.. ok. maybe i can sleep in today! *crosses fingers!*

.. = ) and i've got to admit, i'm LOVING it! & i'm currently "on top" of everything. just because i have no job & the rising gas prices restricts me from going out & doing random stuff. so that means, all my free time can go towards STUDYING!! yayy! haha.. but yea. whatever. i'm so excited about this semester! all the classes aimed towards my major seem so fun! or yea, the teachers make it seem interesting. there is a lot more writing this semester, but yea. i'm strangely used to it.

is csusm the only school who has a writing requirement for every class? ehh.. 2500 words. niice. it'll be good in the long run.

i got to babysit my niece today. she's so super cute! but geeez. i could NOT do that like everyday. or yea, not yet? =T so much responsibility! but yea. it was fun stuff! i love her little smile, laugh & gurgling. =)) i DONT like the changing of smelly diapers & the crying! but yea. she's cute. watching her today made me happy. haha..

mm.. i want a job. but one w/ not a lot of hours & semi close by! haha.. there are some pretty cool internships i've found online, but i dont know if i can apply for them yet. =/ soooo yea! same thing goes for the organization/honor society thing i wanted to join. it says i need to have taken at LEAST one business class already. rawr. =/ so maybe spring? maybeeeee.

my head hurts. rawr.

haha.. i dont even know. but yea!

VEGAS tonight 8.11.05 - 8.15.05 sometime at night! HIT ME UP!! ;D

i think it's funny how.. we all have different perceptions of people in our minds, but in reality, sometimes, it's the exact opposite.

the other day, my friend naris called me but i was out clubbing w/ my friends.. & when i told him where i was, he was like "i didnt know you clubbed" & i dont know.. i took that as a.. 'you dont look like the type that would go clubbing' kind of statement .. or when i was out w/ clare & adam.. we were listening to maroon 5 because adam got it for me for.. christmas? or yea. so he was like "how did you hear about them? you dont seem like the kind of person that would listen to this." arghh! i dont know. it's just weird. what TYPE of person do i seem like?!

there are soooo many things about me that would shock/surprise a LOT of people.. just because they dont expect it from me. blahblahblah!

i was sitting in class today & i HAD NO IDEA WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT!! @.@ so i think i'm screwed for the final. mm.. YEP. i hope i get a B.. hell, i'll settle for a C.. but ugh. soooo sad. i'm being sooo fuckn lazy. i'm 1 point away from an A in music, but do i want to go hunt down a music performance? ehh.. NO. but i probably will because i'm already mad at myself for getting a 39/50 on that stupid test. blub.

i hate tuesdays. for some reason, i'm irritated.

there are weird bruises on my leg. from i dont know what.

LA/santa monica/hollywood was fun last weekend! =) i was surprised.

i want a job, but not. =/ we'll see how school goes first.

summer needs to end.
because it's not going to get any better. = )

3 more weeks of summer school. then fall will start. & i'll hopefully, in a sense, turn over a new leaf.

haha.. summer school was the worse idea i've ever had. even though i WANTED to take it. rawr. oh wells, it's halfway over. =)

too bad i feel like i'm half assing my assignments. for my music class, we had to analyze a music culture. i chose hip hop & guessed answers. =T then my take home midterm for sociology, i'm just like EHH! yea.. it's supposed to be no more than 8 pages. haha.. NO PROBLEM! i wonder if mine will even hit 6. =/ i'm so lazy. summer=lazy days. i'm working on my essay question on sex tourism & all i'm babbling about is the economy and how trade is essential for the country's well being.. blahblah. it's econ all over again. =D haha.. i guess taking econ was worth it because i know what i'm talking about, at least!

i've been watching a lot of lifetime movies. ahhh.. @.@

television is still evil. but so are people.

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear."

i saw it somewhere & wrote it down & i just re-found it. just thought i'd share!